BJ Penn to file formal complaint because St. Pierre hits too hard

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In the wake of an almost “too” easy victory over the sport’s highest ambassador and role model, George St. Pierre is coming under fire yet again. This morning allegations rose about GSP’s improper fight conduct. Although a formal complaint has yet to be filed, Mr. Penn’s camp says it is “in development”. After successfully bringing light to what would go down in history books as “VasolineGate” and or “GreaseGate” Mr. Penn broke his silence and bravely decided to enlighten his fans about how someone like George St. Pierre could best a fighter the caliber of himself.


“I’m not trying to bad-mouth anyone here, I really respect George” Penn said in this interview with family and friends deemed worthy enough to gaze upon him. “But I think the truth needs to come out so this doesn’t tarnish the integrity of the sport. During the fight I noticed something wasn’t quite right, ya’know, like I’d hit him but he wouldn’t go down, then he’d hit me and it would hurt a lot. I’m not saying it was cheating per se, I’m just saying it should be investigated.”

When reached for comment other fighters expressed similar allegations. “It all makes sense now” said UFC veteran Jay Hieron “no wonder everybody has been losing to him (St. Pierre), he’s unfairly hitting too hard. I mean no one has ever broken my jaw before the St. Pierre fight, and I took Fabio FUCKING Holanda to decision. I think everyone deserves a fair rematch with GSP.”

“DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!” responded Karo Parisyan when asked for his opinion on the topic.

When we met up with Frank Trigg he added further questions. “I’m not saying it would have changed the outcome of the fight, but maybe if he didn’t hit as hard I would have been able to work a little bit more of my game. Also someone needs to investigate his submissions, my neck still hurts.”

“I was going to bring this up after our fights too, well at least the last two, I won the first so I don’t give a shit about that one. “ Former relevant fighter and UFC champion Matt Hughes confessed. “I should have said something before, but I wasn’t brave enough. After the last fight, I took the pussy road and gave him credit for being the better fighter. But now that BJ had the courage to come out and say it first, I’ll say it George (St. Pierre) hit too hard in our last two fights too. I’m not one too judge, that’s for God to do, I’m just saying George St. Pierre is a horrible person and I’m going to laugh as hard as I can at everyone of his shortcomings exactly like Jesus would.”

We caught up to UFC president Dana White who responded with this prepared, rational statement. “Fuck fucking fuck fuck fuck. Not in my fucking organization fucking fuck. You wanna be a fuckign fighter fuck fuck fucking fuck.” We then realized he wasn’t talking to us but was on the phone with his mother. His official statement still remains “No Fucking comment.”

To remain totally unbiased in reporting this issue we tried to contact George St. Pierre at his home in Canada. He responded in some savage tongue that can we can only assume was a full confession of cheating in every fight he’s ever had and a full concession of all victories in the UFC, making his official record a more palpable 0-20. We were then chased off his lawn as he brandished a hockey stick and a jug of maple syrup while riding a moose.*

*nothing like this actually happened; he was really quite nice and invited us in for pancakes.

With the fight unlikely to be formally overturned, apparently there is no “official” rule about hitting as hard as you can, we must look to the future. BJ (Penn) has already stated that he will offer the chance for George to prove himself again in a special “fair fight”, in which he (George) must compete in a parka with oversized novelty inflatable boxing gloves, and twice a round BJ is allowed to throw sand directly into his eyes. “I think that fight sounds fair, I mean, how are we supposed to prove who the better fighter is unless we fight fair?” BJ lamented. “and we are actively petitioning the gaming commission to do something about those incredibly unfair five minute rounds. Were aiming for three five second rounds and one five second round for championship fights, featuring me, just like on the streets where it’s all about fairness. Just Scrap yo.” Just then he was hoisted on to a throne of his blindfolded fans and carried though the streets of Hilo. Where he deemed it unfair that this is not national BJ Penn Day. (Formal complaint pending)

Here at “The Really Big Deal” we fully support BJ’s accusations and slanderous techniques, because it’s better for the sport. We all know controversy leads to bigger fights and in the end that’s what we all want, bigger and more lucrative fights. Just scrap indeed.

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2 Responses to “BJ Penn to file formal complaint because St. Pierre hits too hard”

  1. Tony Says:

    P.S. Chip wrote this, not me. 😉 GSPenn 3 is going to be awesome.

  2. Tony Says:

    OMG, all my dreams and fantasies have come true, GSPenn 3. I would like to state for the record that WE CALLED IT FIRST (2/2/2009 8:32am). http://www.bjpenn.com/profiles/blog/show?id=2022293%3ABlogPost%3A769889&xgs=1

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